Perspective

My friend Carlos, his sister and grand niece.

In a previous post I mentioned the novelty of missing Jeff while he was visiting the States. How, after several months of intense together time, it’s nice to be filled with anticipation for his return. During his trip I had a lot of time to get to know people in Topolobampo and some of their life circumstances gave me different perspective on what it means to miss someone.

About half of the people I’ve met here work part-time in the United States, mostly in Louisiana in the shrimping industry or in construction. Some of them are gone from their families for up to seven months at a time, oftentimes without the money or time (or flexibility re: visas) to come home for a visit. Visa requirements are so strict that their children and spouses can’t visit them while they’re stateside. Their work hours are intense, leaving little time for leisure. Many live with roommates in temporary housing units that don’t come close to feeling like home. Making and saving money is the order the day.

Jobs are relatively scarce in Los Mochis and Topolobampo, especially jobs that pay well enough to support growing families. Most of them would prefer to work near home, but the money just isn’t there, nor is the demand for their skillset.

This type of arrangement most certainly takes its toll on relationships and on families. Several people informed me, some jokingly, that it’s not uncommon for one or both spouses to have a lover (or few) on the side while they’re separated. It was surprising for me to hear, especially given that this is a very religious and family-oriented country. One long-time resident explained that this phenomena has divided families and burdened communities, especially over the last 15 years.

A man I met told me that his wife took a job in the United States ten years ago, and never came home. She decided to stay, leaving him to raise their three kids alone. He expects that she met someone else, but he’ll never know. He works three jobs to support his family. He’s one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met, with an incredible outlook on life. He took it all in stride.

I also met very dedicated couples who make it work. They talk online when they can and trust each other completely. It’s a means to an end, but that doesn’t make it any easier.

These stories help to keep it all in perspective. How fortunate are we who get the luxury of spending time together.