180 degrees in 365 days

Life is different now. Our world has changed significantly
and we never could have really anticipated that it would look like this, but I’m
glad it does. It’s strange to recall what we were doing a year ago. How chaotic
life seemed as we were preparing for this trip. So many moving parts. So many balls in the air. Beholden to
so many causes.

One year ago I was sprinting towards the finish of my graduate
program, finalizing my thesis and preparing for its defense. Pretty much every
hour of every day was spoken for, perhaps with the exception of Friday night
and Saturday.

We were living in Portland and I had two part-time jobs, neither
of which was based out of Portland. During any given week I would spend 36-40
hours working at my two jobs and another 8 hours driving back and forth between
them. Two days a week I would commute from Portland to Hillsboro (a 1 hour drive one way) to my internship. One day a week I would commute to Corvallis (a
2 hour drive one way) to meet with my grad school adviser, reconnect with
friends, attend meetings and generally try to feel like an Oregon State
University graduate student again. Jeff’s parents provided a refuge during my
time in Corvallis, allowing me to stay the night if I needed to stick around for an extra
day or if I was too tired to drive home. I drank a lot of coffee. I listened to
a lot of NPR. The rest stations on the I-5 corridor began to feel like my home
away from home.

In addition to work, I still had classes. Most of my classes
were online, though one of my classes was at the Portland State University campus
downtown, requiring an additional commute. During my lunchtime at work I would
tune into my online class or get momentarily lost in my books or attempt to
catch up on homework. I was constantly switching gears between one activity or
another. Somehow I managed to stay on top of the cresting wave, though just
barely.

Finally, there was my thesis. What a feat that was. Between
January and June I interviewed 40 people, transcribed most of the interviews, coded
the data, conducted an extensive literature review and somehow managed to write
200 semi-cohesive pages on the subject. During any school break I would retreat
to a cabin without internet so I could more effectively focus on the mountain
of work in front of me.  Graduate school is not for the faint of heart.

Zoom in on Jeff and me. It was our first year of marriage, but we barely saw each
other. Saturday was the one day that we would (for sure) hang out, which put a
lot of pressure on Saturdays to be awesome. I was busy pretty much every other
night of the week. If I wasn’t driving to and from work or school then I was in
front of my computer screen either gleefully making progress or sharpening my
nails to claw my eyes out. Jeff was always there to celebrate completion of the
latest chapter or to take the file out of my hand.

All of this was happening at the same time that we (but
mostly Jeff) were preparing for this trip. Jeff would spend weekends and
evenings with his mistress Serenity, getting her ready to house and transport
us to parts unknown. We moved onto Serenity the day after I handed in the final
draft of my thesis. We began selling all of our belongings the day after I defended. We were shoving off just two weeks after I left one of my
jobs (I’m still working for the other). The transition from one life to the
next was jolting to say the least.

I get tired just remembering all of this.

The funny thing about it is that I look back on that crazy period
quite fondly. Even though I was a ball of stress only one more mini-crisis away
from an implosion, I was having a great time (some may call me a masochist, I prefer the more vanilla term of “workaholic”). It can’t be denied, however, that
my routine had become decidedly unsustainable. In addition to my carbon
footprint (I fear I singlehandedly caused the destruction of our planet) I didn’t
have any time for relationships that really matter to me. I didn’t have enough
time to hang out with Jeff. I didn’t have time for fun or relaxation or
reflection. It was only a matter of time before I crashed and burned. Fortunately, we switched gears before that eventuality hit home.

Fast forward to now. I’m still working, but my schedule is
flexible and I rarely work more than 15 hours a week. All of my work is on my
computer, meaning no commute for me! Beyond that, this life is really what we
choose to make of it. Every day is our own. Best yet, Jeff and I have bundles
of time to spend with each other – to relax, to have adventures, to be bored, to get philosophical.

Life is 180 degrees different today than it was a year ago. I
fear that if I had stayed on that previous bearing, I wouldn’t have known how
to step back from the frenzy. I was so caught up in the momentum of being busy,
that I might never have carved out the time to reflect on my choices, fully
understand their consequences and perhaps choose differently. If nothing else, this
new life is teaching me a thing or two about balance.

 

Ps. If you want to read my thesis (you’ll be one of maybe three people who has), you can find it by clicking here.  It’s my ugly, confusing brain baby.